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indecadence) wrote2013-05-24 08:48 pm
indecadence) wrote2013-05-24 08:48 pm
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[ yes, he wants honesty. sometimes it feels like asking for that and nothing else is too much for the people around him to deliver. he wonders if it's because of him, something he's done, to make them like this.
but now he's asking again, and he just needs cas to give him that. give him the honesty he asks for. ]
Who else would I see.
[ thing is, he does only see cas. it's always been cas, always him above the others. for the longest time, he hasn't had sam, no one but cas there to watch him ruin himself and those around him. and maybe they didn't share a relationship as they do now, back then, but that doesn't change the fact that cas has always been the only one worthy of anything in dean's eyes after sam had said yes. he just didn't have the sanity, the clarity, to say as much back then.
here he has both of them, here he knows sam is safer than he ever was back home. here, he can look at cas and taste, take, and breathe the words he's always wanted to into the seam of his friend's lips.
dean sinks into the heat of cas' mouth, pushes past those lips and presses himself inside. he's heard all that he needs to, wants nothing more than this right now, so he'll take, damn it. he'll take what's being offered him with that quiet, desperate please. ]
...C'mere.
[ rather than pushing him further into the wall, dean's tugging cas away from it, taking steps back towards their shared mattress.
he knows he could demand the same of cas -- see only me, no one else but me, not other-me, not anyone -- but he won't. can't. eve if he might want to.
for now, getting cas on that goddamn mattress is enough. ]
but now he's asking again, and he just needs cas to give him that. give him the honesty he asks for. ]
Who else would I see.
[ thing is, he does only see cas. it's always been cas, always him above the others. for the longest time, he hasn't had sam, no one but cas there to watch him ruin himself and those around him. and maybe they didn't share a relationship as they do now, back then, but that doesn't change the fact that cas has always been the only one worthy of anything in dean's eyes after sam had said yes. he just didn't have the sanity, the clarity, to say as much back then.
here he has both of them, here he knows sam is safer than he ever was back home. here, he can look at cas and taste, take, and breathe the words he's always wanted to into the seam of his friend's lips.
dean sinks into the heat of cas' mouth, pushes past those lips and presses himself inside. he's heard all that he needs to, wants nothing more than this right now, so he'll take, damn it. he'll take what's being offered him with that quiet, desperate please. ]
...C'mere.
[ rather than pushing him further into the wall, dean's tugging cas away from it, taking steps back towards their shared mattress.
he knows he could demand the same of cas -- see only me, no one else but me, not other-me, not anyone -- but he won't. can't. eve if he might want to.
for now, getting cas on that goddamn mattress is enough. ]
[ Who else--
Anyone, he wants to say. Anyone who is better, who can be even more useful, who would give more than he possibly could like this. It sits heavy in his mouth, almost sour. Castiel can feel it bubbling to the surface, wanting to be spoken and explained. If he could drive all that doubt from himself or Dean, if he could become stronger again so that he never let him down, he would take it in an instant. They're discussing befriending the other him, an angel with working grace that hasn't been subjected to his brothers and sisters abandoning the earth, someone who could, potentially, take from him what he struggled to keep, and it pains him to know that jealously when there should be no reason for it. Dean's words give him some hope, a wavering sense of accomplishment that's drowned out when he's kissed, but it doesn't completely negate it.
At least they have this, he supposes. At least this is theirs, and he leans into it without complaint, sucks at his bottom lip and nips at the edge of his tongue. Maybe he's needed this since seeing the other Dean, since dealing with someone who should know you just as well as you know yourself and doesn't. Maybe he's just needed the perfect excuse to put his hands on him.
Castiel stumbles a little when Dean pulls, but he doesn't resist, following after almost too willingly and opening his eyes to look at him. This is... more insistent than anything either of them have taken besides those shared kisses, and it makes his blood warm, makes his skin heat at the thought. He gently eases to his knees on the bed and curls his fingers around Dean's, silently demanding as he pulls him down so they're level. So he can rest their foreheads together for only a moment before pressing to kiss him again and wrap himself around him. Closer, he needs to be closer.
There's a sharp breath, deciding to switch tactics. Switch moves just as they've switched positions. ]
I've been thinking. [ He mumbles it against his mouth, licking at the corner. Feeling the need to elaborate, Castiel sighs. ] About you.
[ About how much he's sure he wants him. ]
Anyone, he wants to say. Anyone who is better, who can be even more useful, who would give more than he possibly could like this. It sits heavy in his mouth, almost sour. Castiel can feel it bubbling to the surface, wanting to be spoken and explained. If he could drive all that doubt from himself or Dean, if he could become stronger again so that he never let him down, he would take it in an instant. They're discussing befriending the other him, an angel with working grace that hasn't been subjected to his brothers and sisters abandoning the earth, someone who could, potentially, take from him what he struggled to keep, and it pains him to know that jealously when there should be no reason for it. Dean's words give him some hope, a wavering sense of accomplishment that's drowned out when he's kissed, but it doesn't completely negate it.
At least they have this, he supposes. At least this is theirs, and he leans into it without complaint, sucks at his bottom lip and nips at the edge of his tongue. Maybe he's needed this since seeing the other Dean, since dealing with someone who should know you just as well as you know yourself and doesn't. Maybe he's just needed the perfect excuse to put his hands on him.
Castiel stumbles a little when Dean pulls, but he doesn't resist, following after almost too willingly and opening his eyes to look at him. This is... more insistent than anything either of them have taken besides those shared kisses, and it makes his blood warm, makes his skin heat at the thought. He gently eases to his knees on the bed and curls his fingers around Dean's, silently demanding as he pulls him down so they're level. So he can rest their foreheads together for only a moment before pressing to kiss him again and wrap himself around him. Closer, he needs to be closer.
There's a sharp breath, deciding to switch tactics. Switch moves just as they've switched positions. ]
I've been thinking. [ He mumbles it against his mouth, licking at the corner. Feeling the need to elaborate, Castiel sighs. ] About you.
[ About how much he's sure he wants him. ]
[ there's fire in those kisses, neediness and eagerness dean has been tasting only sparks of so far in their shared moments. but it's here now, just under the surface, and he thinks there's no turning back from this, that he wants all of it, wants more than what he's been given so far. his knees dig into the mattress, body presses against castiel's, leaving little to no space between them while his hands roam over the unfamiliar planes of his torso. his shirt covering cas' body leaves his fingers from touching skin, though his mouth is free to press harder against castiel's, pulling kisses from him with no room to breathe. the taste of his is intoxicating, just like this situation is building up to be.
it's only when cas presses their foreheads together that dean has a moment to breathe, to think once more.
not that he manages any words, and instead his hands finally slip lower, come to the hem of that shirt and then ride upwards, up, up, right until their disappear beneath, skimming over his chest, feeling everything they can with little shame.
dean hasn't really thought about this yet, of taking more. doing more. the hot, lick-bite kisses of their have been enough, have lit him up on the inside with such fire that he's been content, had gotten more from those exchanges than anything else before.
but now that they're here, now that it's only a matter of pushing cas into the mattress-- he wants, and it stirs fire in his veins, rushes it right down through his body. it's exactly what he does a moment later, as cas mumbles into the corner of his mouth, leaves visions of something dirty flashing across his mind with those quick words. he presses him down, crowds over him without letting any space come between them. ]
Yeah? Should probably find something better to think about.
[ he's only quiet for a breath longer, green watching carefully now. the words are a little self-deprecating, so he adds quietly; ]
Good thoughts, I hope.
it's only when cas presses their foreheads together that dean has a moment to breathe, to think once more.
not that he manages any words, and instead his hands finally slip lower, come to the hem of that shirt and then ride upwards, up, up, right until their disappear beneath, skimming over his chest, feeling everything they can with little shame.
dean hasn't really thought about this yet, of taking more. doing more. the hot, lick-bite kisses of their have been enough, have lit him up on the inside with such fire that he's been content, had gotten more from those exchanges than anything else before.
but now that they're here, now that it's only a matter of pushing cas into the mattress-- he wants, and it stirs fire in his veins, rushes it right down through his body. it's exactly what he does a moment later, as cas mumbles into the corner of his mouth, leaves visions of something dirty flashing across his mind with those quick words. he presses him down, crowds over him without letting any space come between them. ]
Yeah? Should probably find something better to think about.
[ he's only quiet for a breath longer, green watching carefully now. the words are a little self-deprecating, so he adds quietly; ]
Good thoughts, I hope.
[ There's a huff of something that could be considered laughter, looking up at him when he's pushed down and taking those few seconds to cup the side of his face. His fingers trace the line of his jaw, up to the edge of his ear, and Castiel palms his cheek almost gently, eyes sliding to meet Dean's without hesitation. ]
They are always good thoughts, Dean. [ Most of the time. ] I think-- I have put you together, but never once have I ever wondered what it would be like to watch you fall apart.
[ He keeps his voice steady and low, spreading his legs to make room for Dean between them and arching up against him for contact. It's the intimacy he likes, addicted to it now that he knows this is fine, this is more than okay, and the memory of those hands tracing over bare skin have him wanting more. So much more. Castiel licks at his lip and stretches to kiss the corner of Dean's mouth, bite at it and kiss him deep. The slide of tongue, the heat of him so prominent and there —
A hand pushes into Dean's hair, and he rolls his hips up. ]
I want you.
[ Just in case he's not getting it. Just in case all those words aren't getting the job done. He'd always found it an odd habit to pick up, seducing with more syllables than necessary, but the more direct approach hadn't nearly been as promising as the other. Dean's different, is the arguing thought. He isn't any of the women in the camp, the faceless others he's had and sent on their way. He needs that confirmation in as short a form as possible, and he hooks his foot at the bend in Dean's knee, trying to drag himself closer as he kisses it into his skin. Want, want, want.
His other hand wanders, blocking out anything else save for Dean and this room and the bed they're spread out on. ]
They are always good thoughts, Dean. [ Most of the time. ] I think-- I have put you together, but never once have I ever wondered what it would be like to watch you fall apart.
[ He keeps his voice steady and low, spreading his legs to make room for Dean between them and arching up against him for contact. It's the intimacy he likes, addicted to it now that he knows this is fine, this is more than okay, and the memory of those hands tracing over bare skin have him wanting more. So much more. Castiel licks at his lip and stretches to kiss the corner of Dean's mouth, bite at it and kiss him deep. The slide of tongue, the heat of him so prominent and there —
A hand pushes into Dean's hair, and he rolls his hips up. ]
I want you.
[ Just in case he's not getting it. Just in case all those words aren't getting the job done. He'd always found it an odd habit to pick up, seducing with more syllables than necessary, but the more direct approach hadn't nearly been as promising as the other. Dean's different, is the arguing thought. He isn't any of the women in the camp, the faceless others he's had and sent on their way. He needs that confirmation in as short a form as possible, and he hooks his foot at the bend in Dean's knee, trying to drag himself closer as he kisses it into his skin. Want, want, want.
His other hand wanders, blocking out anything else save for Dean and this room and the bed they're spread out on. ]
[ castiel's fingers on his face are gentle as they trace his skin, and dean-- it threatens to drown him, such a simple thing as those touches. right now all he can see is cas, all he can feel is his hands on him, and it's all he wants. right there and here, is everything he desires. no one's touched him like this, not in a long time and he feels himself suck in a breath at those words. his own are steady, but careful. ]
You have seen me fall apart.
[ but not in the way cas is suggesting.
dean opens up easily enough for the kisses, groans into the slide and bite as he settles between cas' legs. it's good, bordering on becoming familiar, right until cas rolls his hips for friction, for obvious need and dean moans quietly. the words drive the point home, that this is going beyond the usual hungry kisses, and dean-- he finds himself more than alright with that, wants this to go further, wants all of him, wants him right now.
dean's used to a simple routine that doesn't fit anything he and cas have between them. he's used to shoving, for clothes to come off just enough for the deed to be done, he's done for a quick, rough press-push-take and driving the point home, forcing the pleasure out for that single, mind-numbing moment. no words, no kisses, none of that.
yet here, he has so much more he almost doesn't know what to do about it. ]
Then this needs to come off.
[ this time his voice holds more humor, something quietly pleased. a hand pushes up at cas' shirt, exposing skin before latching down, fingers dragging greedily over his friend's torso. gentle, nice-- he's not sure how to go about that, so he does it how he knows; greedy and to the point. including when he bends down, bites at cas' mouth and forces entry. ]
You have seen me fall apart.
[ but not in the way cas is suggesting.
dean opens up easily enough for the kisses, groans into the slide and bite as he settles between cas' legs. it's good, bordering on becoming familiar, right until cas rolls his hips for friction, for obvious need and dean moans quietly. the words drive the point home, that this is going beyond the usual hungry kisses, and dean-- he finds himself more than alright with that, wants this to go further, wants all of him, wants him right now.
dean's used to a simple routine that doesn't fit anything he and cas have between them. he's used to shoving, for clothes to come off just enough for the deed to be done, he's done for a quick, rough press-push-take and driving the point home, forcing the pleasure out for that single, mind-numbing moment. no words, no kisses, none of that.
yet here, he has so much more he almost doesn't know what to do about it. ]
Then this needs to come off.
[ this time his voice holds more humor, something quietly pleased. a hand pushes up at cas' shirt, exposing skin before latching down, fingers dragging greedily over his friend's torso. gentle, nice-- he's not sure how to go about that, so he does it how he knows; greedy and to the point. including when he bends down, bites at cas' mouth and forces entry. ]
[ There's a shuddering sort of breath, and he wonders, for the briefest second, if he's understanding any of this right. The almost teasing tone, the way Dean kisses him and the pressure of his hands, the bite of his fingers as he scratches at him. He sighs and shifts, breaking the kiss to discard the shirt he'd only just put on, and though Castiel hardly feels any modesty being naked, there's something strange about it being like this. Only partially undressed, and he's far more exposed than he's ever been, looking up at him with wide eyes.
Time to wake up. Time to do something about all of this desire sitting heavy between them.
Castiel leans up on his elbows, nipping at Dean's mouth and the curve of his jaw. He licks a path to his ear and spends a rather lengthy minute biting at the lobe, reddening the skin underneath and making sure Dean knows exactly where he wants this to go. He's fascinated by the texture and taste of him, nuzzling into the side of his cheek and breathing just to breathe. But he wants more, always more than what's being offered to him, and he falls back, laughing quietly as he pulls him to him. ]
You next.
[ But rather than go for his shirt, Castiel is sliding his hands down his sides and squeezing at his hips, rubbing against him for even more of that friction. Jeans are so problematic for such a situation as this, and he drags his thumb over the button, pressing in slightly before hooking his fingers in and popping it open. The zipper gives of its own accord, not much to do except trace the warm skin around his navel. A dare to go a little lower, dipping just inside, and he kisses him whisper-soft.
The restraint he has here is phenomenal, especially when all he feels like doing is pushing Dean on his back and taking him with his mouth. ]
... tell me you want this. [ Because he needs to hear that confirmation just as much as he can feel it, is desperate to have Dean write it into his flesh with his hands and suck it into his body with his lips. Still, he doesn't wait for an answer and pushes his fingers down, sliding under the material of those jeans to press right against him and squeeze. ]
Time to wake up. Time to do something about all of this desire sitting heavy between them.
Castiel leans up on his elbows, nipping at Dean's mouth and the curve of his jaw. He licks a path to his ear and spends a rather lengthy minute biting at the lobe, reddening the skin underneath and making sure Dean knows exactly where he wants this to go. He's fascinated by the texture and taste of him, nuzzling into the side of his cheek and breathing just to breathe. But he wants more, always more than what's being offered to him, and he falls back, laughing quietly as he pulls him to him. ]
You next.
[ But rather than go for his shirt, Castiel is sliding his hands down his sides and squeezing at his hips, rubbing against him for even more of that friction. Jeans are so problematic for such a situation as this, and he drags his thumb over the button, pressing in slightly before hooking his fingers in and popping it open. The zipper gives of its own accord, not much to do except trace the warm skin around his navel. A dare to go a little lower, dipping just inside, and he kisses him whisper-soft.
The restraint he has here is phenomenal, especially when all he feels like doing is pushing Dean on his back and taking him with his mouth. ]
... tell me you want this. [ Because he needs to hear that confirmation just as much as he can feel it, is desperate to have Dean write it into his flesh with his hands and suck it into his body with his lips. Still, he doesn't wait for an answer and pushes his fingers down, sliding under the material of those jeans to press right against him and squeeze. ]
[ dean sucks in another breath, this one sharper, sudden under all the kisses and touches. fire pools low in his stomach, harder and faster than he would have thought, setting every nerve in him into overdrive, and he just wants. cas' mouth at his ear gets another low sound, a harsh breath as he press into the ministration, silently asking for more.
he could take, demand, but...
but this is good, too. he can learn this, get used to it.
with cas' shirt off, it gives dean a good view of the skin he's seen a hundred times before, but never wanted. not like he does now. he wants to press his mouth to it, bite half-moon marks into it and mark it as his, wants to lick and taste it, breathe in the scent of him. yet, despite everything he wants, he pauses some to simply admire castiel's lean torso, letting a hand come to sculpt at the expanse of it, over his stomach and up his chest...
this, too, is something he hasn't done in so long.
the command gets dean to react quickly, has him tugging off his shirt in no time at all. his body is the same as ever, as he knows cas has seen him shirtless, and more, plenty of times before. even if he hadn't, the scarring from various missions, from close calls with croats and demons, from chasing after lucifer, mark his body every which way. he's not ashamed of them, finds each just another reminder of the mistakes he's made, of what he'd let sam become... and most vibrantly, still, lingers the once angel's hand print over his shoulder.
it almost aches now, just like the rest of him, as cas' fingers dip and explore just beneath his navel.
where his scars bear him no shame, how... into this he is, and how fast, does. somewhat. it doesn't really show, but he feels it burn brighter inside, scorches at him when he bites down a growl the moment cas' hand squeezes. ]
...Fuck
[ is that enough of an answer? or maybe... ]
Don't tease me.
[ this time the sound very much is a growl, one he bites into the side of cas' neck roughly, makes sure to leave a mark which will be fucking seen the next day. both hands skim over cas' torso now, blunt nails dragging down over the sides of him, to a sharply angled hip, over the back of him round down and past the waist of his pants, over cas' ass, to touch all of him. ]
he could take, demand, but...
but this is good, too. he can learn this, get used to it.
with cas' shirt off, it gives dean a good view of the skin he's seen a hundred times before, but never wanted. not like he does now. he wants to press his mouth to it, bite half-moon marks into it and mark it as his, wants to lick and taste it, breathe in the scent of him. yet, despite everything he wants, he pauses some to simply admire castiel's lean torso, letting a hand come to sculpt at the expanse of it, over his stomach and up his chest...
this, too, is something he hasn't done in so long.
the command gets dean to react quickly, has him tugging off his shirt in no time at all. his body is the same as ever, as he knows cas has seen him shirtless, and more, plenty of times before. even if he hadn't, the scarring from various missions, from close calls with croats and demons, from chasing after lucifer, mark his body every which way. he's not ashamed of them, finds each just another reminder of the mistakes he's made, of what he'd let sam become... and most vibrantly, still, lingers the once angel's hand print over his shoulder.
it almost aches now, just like the rest of him, as cas' fingers dip and explore just beneath his navel.
where his scars bear him no shame, how... into this he is, and how fast, does. somewhat. it doesn't really show, but he feels it burn brighter inside, scorches at him when he bites down a growl the moment cas' hand squeezes. ]
...Fuck
[ is that enough of an answer? or maybe... ]
Don't tease me.
[ this time the sound very much is a growl, one he bites into the side of cas' neck roughly, makes sure to leave a mark which will be fucking seen the next day. both hands skim over cas' torso now, blunt nails dragging down over the sides of him, to a sharply angled hip, over the back of him round down and past the waist of his pants, over cas' ass, to touch all of him. ]
I haven't seen you in a while.
[ He's had to deal with Dean all on his own!!! ]
[ He's had to deal with Dean all on his own!!! ]
He mentioned your other approach to getting information.
[ Talking with cultists, Sam. Please. ]
[ Talking with cultists, Sam. Please. ]
Did you learn anything from them?
[ Because he hadn't mentioned the details. He'd actually been a little distracted at the time. ]
[ Because he hadn't mentioned the details. He'd actually been a little distracted at the time. ]
Not if it means impending insanity. I wonder-- [ But he doesn't elaborate there. ] Do you need me to do anything?
[ There's a lot he wants to say about Zelien and the cultists, but maybe he needs to sit on all this information for a while. He'll just humor Sam for now. ]
What is it?
What is it?
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