[ He doesn't fear anything. Not what Dean thinks it might be, if he thinks anything at all. Not what it should be or could be. These straightforward conversations are incredibly exhausting, pulling at him from the inside, and it's frivolous to assume what he feels is okay. He doesn't even know what it is, has no real words for it to explain how much he hates himself and needs Dean to only see him.

Castiel presses in slightly with his fingers, biting at his lip as he looks at Dean's and considers distracting him instead.

But maybe this is important. He wants it to be. ]

He has what I can't give you. And - [ A breath, a sigh, a resignation. ] - I don't want to leave again.

[ Be shoved out, forced to go somewhere and be left to his own devices. He could do it, he supposes, but the aftermath would not be a pretty one. He'd tried when he'd found Dean missing. He'd tried when Dean had told him to never come back. He'd tried but hadn't gotten anywhere at all out of some insufferable hopelessness that's attached itself to him.

Castiel also lowers his voice, a softer whisper against the edge of Dean's mouth. ]

I want to stand beside you, not chase after you.