[ yes, he wants honesty. sometimes it feels like asking for that and nothing else is too much for the people around him to deliver. he wonders if it's because of him, something he's done, to make them like this.
but now he's asking again, and he just needs cas to give him that. give him the honesty he asks for. ]
Who else would I see.
[ thing is, he does only see cas. it's always been cas, always him above the others. for the longest time, he hasn't had sam, no one but cas there to watch him ruin himself and those around him. and maybe they didn't share a relationship as they do now, back then, but that doesn't change the fact that cas has always been the only one worthy of anything in dean's eyes after sam had said yes. he just didn't have the sanity, the clarity, to say as much back then.
here he has both of them, here he knows sam is safer than he ever was back home. here, he can look at cas and taste, take, and breathe the words he's always wanted to into the seam of his friend's lips.
dean sinks into the heat of cas' mouth, pushes past those lips and presses himself inside. he's heard all that he needs to, wants nothing more than this right now, so he'll take, damn it. he'll take what's being offered him with that quiet, desperate please. ]
...C'mere.
[ rather than pushing him further into the wall, dean's tugging cas away from it, taking steps back towards their shared mattress.
he knows he could demand the same of cas -- see only me, no one else but me, not other-me, not anyone -- but he won't. can't. eve if he might want to.
for now, getting cas on that goddamn mattress is enough. ]
no subject
but now he's asking again, and he just needs cas to give him that. give him the honesty he asks for. ]
Who else would I see.
[ thing is, he does only see cas. it's always been cas, always him above the others. for the longest time, he hasn't had sam, no one but cas there to watch him ruin himself and those around him. and maybe they didn't share a relationship as they do now, back then, but that doesn't change the fact that cas has always been the only one worthy of anything in dean's eyes after sam had said yes. he just didn't have the sanity, the clarity, to say as much back then.
here he has both of them, here he knows sam is safer than he ever was back home. here, he can look at cas and taste, take, and breathe the words he's always wanted to into the seam of his friend's lips.
dean sinks into the heat of cas' mouth, pushes past those lips and presses himself inside. he's heard all that he needs to, wants nothing more than this right now, so he'll take, damn it. he'll take what's being offered him with that quiet, desperate please. ]
...C'mere.
[ rather than pushing him further into the wall, dean's tugging cas away from it, taking steps back towards their shared mattress.
he knows he could demand the same of cas -- see only me, no one else but me, not other-me, not anyone -- but he won't. can't. eve if he might want to.
for now, getting cas on that goddamn mattress is enough. ]