[ It's right there under the surface, how much he shakes and tries to hold it in. Perhaps he'd been weak, and perhaps he could have done better by Dean by doing everything he asked without trying to argue it. But that isn't him anymore. He's willful and strong-headed, stubborn to match him stride for stride, and maybe it's always been like that. Maybe they have always needed this, each other, and now that it's being broken into and being thrust between them like an ultimatum-- He can't do it. He can't. He won't.
Castiel chases his hand and takes it again, wrapping his fingers around him so hard his knuckles turn white. ]
I need you, and you-- If you didn't need me, it wouldn't be like this. I'm... [ lost without you ] I'm sorry.
[ And it seems to break, the strength he'd prided himself on crumbling into pieces like it'd never been there in the first place. He needs, needs so much, and he's sick with it, hating how he'd exchanged one power for another. How Dean can break him with so few words and make it right without any at all. Castiel swallows and turns his head to avoid looking at him, feeling that emotion well up and burn his eyes.
Lack of sleep, he wants to argue. He's tired, and he hurts. ]
no subject
[ It's right there under the surface, how much he shakes and tries to hold it in. Perhaps he'd been weak, and perhaps he could have done better by Dean by doing everything he asked without trying to argue it. But that isn't him anymore. He's willful and strong-headed, stubborn to match him stride for stride, and maybe it's always been like that. Maybe they have always needed this, each other, and now that it's being broken into and being thrust between them like an ultimatum-- He can't do it. He can't. He won't.
Castiel chases his hand and takes it again, wrapping his fingers around him so hard his knuckles turn white. ]
I need you, and you-- If you didn't need me, it wouldn't be like this. I'm... [ lost without you ] I'm sorry.
[ And it seems to break, the strength he'd prided himself on crumbling into pieces like it'd never been there in the first place. He needs, needs so much, and he's sick with it, hating how he'd exchanged one power for another. How Dean can break him with so few words and make it right without any at all. Castiel swallows and turns his head to avoid looking at him, feeling that emotion well up and burn his eyes.
Lack of sleep, he wants to argue. He's tired, and he hurts. ]
I'm sorry.