[ dean feels like cas' grip is squeezing his heart. ]
I don't want to need you. I didn't before -- [ he's always needed cas. ] -- and since I can't go back to being dead, I'm going back to that. I have to.
[ that emotional detachment, leaving behind only anger. he has to, london had taught him that any moment of happiness was sure to be ruined in disastrous ways. all that this thing of theirs eventually lead to was death, or something as painful. this right now, cas' apologies, his shining eyes-- it was better this way, than with cas dead. he would heal, he would manage without dean.
cas has always been strong, and right now, dean chooses to believe in that strength.
even if all he wants to do is gather cas into his arms. instead, a hand comes to the side of cas' turned face, gentle at first, then tilting it back to look at him, green trying to catch blue, voice quiet. ]
no subject
I don't want to need you. I didn't before -- [ he's always needed cas. ] -- and since I can't go back to being dead, I'm going back to that. I have to.
[ that emotional detachment, leaving behind only anger. he has to, london had taught him that any moment of happiness was sure to be ruined in disastrous ways. all that this thing of theirs eventually lead to was death, or something as painful. this right now, cas' apologies, his shining eyes-- it was better this way, than with cas dead. he would heal, he would manage without dean.
cas has always been strong, and right now, dean chooses to believe in that strength.
even if all he wants to do is gather cas into his arms. instead, a hand comes to the side of cas' turned face, gentle at first, then tilting it back to look at him, green trying to catch blue, voice quiet. ]
I need you to understand.