You'll only get... You'll only get hurt. Over and over.
[ it's weak now, because he knows cas doesn't care. there's a part of him, one that's always lingered somewhere deep, that knows those around him are allowed to make their own decisions. dean's never been good at letting them though, not when it might cost him them, not when they might die and dean could lose them.
he can't stand the thought of being alone, yet it seems like the only option.
except the cas is pressing his forehead to dean's, and he can't-- doesn't have the strength to pull away anymore. this has always brought him peace, a sense of being alright, with them like this, foreheads touching and the world around them stopping for a breath. ]
And there'll come a day when I lose you, Cas, I can't--
[ he's already lost sam, lost everyone else in his life. bobby, jo, mom, dad-- all of them gone, with him guilty of it all, somehow. his hands are at the sides of cas' face, thumbs brushing away the wet streaks of tears, mouth inches from cas', noses brushing side by side. he can't do this, but he wants to, so badly it aches with pain. ]
I lose everyone.
[ he'd rather push cas away, chase him off and know he's alive than take him now, only to get him killed later. ]
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You'll only get... You'll only get hurt. Over and over.
[ it's weak now, because he knows cas doesn't care. there's a part of him, one that's always lingered somewhere deep, that knows those around him are allowed to make their own decisions. dean's never been good at letting them though, not when it might cost him them, not when they might die and dean could lose them.
he can't stand the thought of being alone, yet it seems like the only option.
except the cas is pressing his forehead to dean's, and he can't-- doesn't have the strength to pull away anymore. this has always brought him peace, a sense of being alright, with them like this, foreheads touching and the world around them stopping for a breath. ]
And there'll come a day when I lose you, Cas, I can't--
[ he's already lost sam, lost everyone else in his life. bobby, jo, mom, dad-- all of them gone, with him guilty of it all, somehow. his hands are at the sides of cas' face, thumbs brushing away the wet streaks of tears, mouth inches from cas', noses brushing side by side. he can't do this, but he wants to, so badly it aches with pain. ]
I lose everyone.
[ he'd rather push cas away, chase him off and know he's alive than take him now, only to get him killed later. ]