part of dean wants to get up, force castiel to leave. but then, another enjoys the solid warmth of their joined shoulders, something he'll never admit to the other man. cas has stood by him for so long, even after everything-- even now. he doesn't deserve it, doesn't deserve to be breathing right now and he wishes -- prays -- that he could simply go back to the death he's already experienced once.
dean's looking away, off at the graves when he speaks up. ]
Stupid. So stupid.
[ despite the words, his tone is lighter by a fraction. not fond, he doesn't know fond anymore, but just a hint less rough. still, his shoulder sag suddenly, another harsher breath falling from him. the realization of his actions come in waves, the size of it all crushing--
action.
part of dean wants to get up, force castiel to leave. but then, another enjoys the solid warmth of their joined shoulders, something he'll never admit to the other man. cas has stood by him for so long, even after everything-- even now. he doesn't deserve it, doesn't deserve to be breathing right now and he wishes -- prays -- that he could simply go back to the death he's already experienced once.
dean's looking away, off at the graves when he speaks up. ]
Stupid. So stupid.
[ despite the words, his tone is lighter by a fraction. not fond, he doesn't know fond anymore, but just a hint less rough. still, his shoulder sag suddenly, another harsher breath falling from him. the realization of his actions come in waves, the size of it all crushing--
all until he steadies himself again. ]