[ this is probably not the best conversation to have while dean's drunk out of his mind....
but it definitely is the best time to have it.
dean doesn't move when cas sits next to him, when he presses the length of his leg against dean's, the warmth seeping from his body. it's...comforting, though he doesn't say it, and dean only gives him a short look for it, one that isn't apparently met by cas. right now all physical contact is strangely nice, and the realization hits him as something he seems to have forgotten somewhere along the way...
why has it taken him this long to see it? dean can't find the answer. it's somewhere buried underneath relentless pain over his past failing, under the self-hatred and ever-present anger he can't ever seem to shake completely. the answer is out of his grasp, so he can't offer it to cas.
instead he leans slightly on the other man, shoulder to shoulder, personal space not an issue for him today either. it's getting difficult to stay upright and cas is there, solid and warm. ]
I don't know why.
[ he almost sounds apologetic about it. and it prompts him to look at cas closer, turn his head and really look at him; no half-glances or such. ]
no!!!!!
but it definitely is the best time to have it.
dean doesn't move when cas sits next to him, when he presses the length of his leg against dean's, the warmth seeping from his body. it's...comforting, though he doesn't say it, and dean only gives him a short look for it, one that isn't apparently met by cas. right now all physical contact is strangely nice, and the realization hits him as something he seems to have forgotten somewhere along the way...
why has it taken him this long to see it? dean can't find the answer. it's somewhere buried underneath relentless pain over his past failing, under the self-hatred and ever-present anger he can't ever seem to shake completely. the answer is out of his grasp, so he can't offer it to cas.
instead he leans slightly on the other man, shoulder to shoulder, personal space not an issue for him today either. it's getting difficult to stay upright and cas is there, solid and warm. ]
I don't know why.
[ he almost sounds apologetic about it. and it prompts him to look at cas closer, turn his head and really look at him; no half-glances or such. ]
I should've seen it sooner.