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indecadence) wrote2013-05-24 08:48 pm
indecadence) wrote2013-05-24 08:48 pm
[ic contact]
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| E-MAILS | TEXTS |
CONTACT: cas@compass.net
MESSAGE: For the most part, yes.
MESSAGE: For the most part, yes.
CONTACT: cas@compass.net
MESSAGE: And what are these people saying?
MESSAGE: And what are these people saying?
CONTACT: cas@compass.net
MESSAGE: I have heard that's not entirely permanent here. But regardless, you're not.
[ And that's something. Right? ]
MESSAGE: I have heard that's not entirely permanent here. But regardless, you're not.
[ And that's something. Right? ]
CONTACT: cas@compass.net
MESSAGE: Are you looking for someone?
MESSAGE: Are you looking for someone?
CONTACT: dean.winchester@compass.net
MESSAGE: Still alive?
[ his hands are shaking so badly as he types out the simple message, but you don't need to know that. ]
MESSAGE: Still alive?
[ his hands are shaking so badly as he types out the simple message, but you don't need to know that. ]
CONTACT: cas@compass.net
MESSAGE: Enough. And so are you, it seems.
[ He hadn't expected this, though it hardly takes him any time at all to reply. Something's wrong. ]
MESSAGE: Enough. And so are you, it seems.
[ He hadn't expected this, though it hardly takes him any time at all to reply. Something's wrong. ]
gently flips coding out the window aint nobody got time for that
hardhearted
2013-10-13 06:28 am (UTC)(link)
[ he's alive, sure, though he has no right to be. ]
That's good.
[ it's a slow response, takes some minutes before he manages to type it out. ]
That's good.
[ it's a slow response, takes some minutes before he manages to type it out. ]
[ He waits, almost desperate for the response. It makes him nervous, and Castiel isn't sure how many times he reads those two words before finally adding a reply. ]
Do you need something?
Do you need something?
[ he needs-- he needs too much. but there isn't anything in this world to fix what he's done. ]
No.
Jus- [ it's like the message gets interrupted there, as if he'd been deleting it but accidentally sent it mid-deletion. ]
No.
Jus- [ it's like the message gets interrupted there, as if he'd been deleting it but accidentally sent it mid-deletion. ]
Just what?
[ Don't play this game with him right now. Even after everything, he still likes to think he knows you. ]
[ Don't play this game with him right now. Even after everything, he still likes to think he knows you. ]
[ another long pause with the next text sounding more and more like a confession to his own ears than anything. ]
The graveyard.
The graveyard.
I will be there as soon as I can.
[ There's only one reason he could possibly be there, and Castiel hopes he is wrong. Whether or not Dean wishes to see him, he has to know, and he goes regardless. ]
[ There's only one reason he could possibly be there, and Castiel hopes he is wrong. Whether or not Dean wishes to see him, he has to know, and he goes regardless. ]
[ dean wants to thank him but the words won't come anymore, now that he knows cas is coming over. he sits by a grave, though he doesn't know which one sam will eventually spawn in-- if he'll even spawn. never mind the weather, dean sits and waits though, and he'll keep waiting until his brother comes back.
his brother.
the thought makes him shudder, eyes which are normally hard and ruthless lacking any fire now as he casts them down at the dirty ground, empty and unseeing. there's a tidal wave of... things threatening to burst past the walls he's spent so long building, but for now he holds on, keeps it all at bay.
brother, lucifer, hallucination. none of it matters now. ]
his brother.
the thought makes him shudder, eyes which are normally hard and ruthless lacking any fire now as he casts them down at the dirty ground, empty and unseeing. there's a tidal wave of... things threatening to burst past the walls he's spent so long building, but for now he holds on, keeps it all at bay.
brother, lucifer, hallucination. none of it matters now. ]
[ It's a place he's always avoided merely because there had been no purpose for him to go, though he knows its whereabouts and could easily find it without so much as looking where it is he's going. Castiel manages it at a rather even pace until it comes into focus. It's not difficult to see him sitting there, waiting.
Waiting and lost.
He observes for a solid minute or two, hands shoved deep into his pockets as he considers what it is he should say. Some part of him is angry at Dean. He's been angry since their fight on the dock, but it had bled into something else entirely after a while. Something he doesn't have a name for. So, when he finally approaches him, he thinks it best not to say anything at all.
Crouching beside him, Castiel's eyes focus on his face before dropping away to look elsewhere. Silent. ]
Waiting and lost.
He observes for a solid minute or two, hands shoved deep into his pockets as he considers what it is he should say. Some part of him is angry at Dean. He's been angry since their fight on the dock, but it had bled into something else entirely after a while. Something he doesn't have a name for. So, when he finally approaches him, he thinks it best not to say anything at all.
Crouching beside him, Castiel's eyes focus on his face before dropping away to look elsewhere. Silent. ]
[ dean expects mockery, even if he knows cas not to be one to lower himself to that. there's a lot he's heard and seen the other man say and do, but not that. not with him, not with something like this. still, the lack of bitter words, chosen to hurt him is what eventually prompts dean to speak up even if he doesn't look at cas.
there's no easy to way put any of it, so he just goes for the bottom line, much like has become his habit over the years. ]
I shot him.
[ i killed him. i killed sam. it's entirely devoid of any feeling, neither laced with anger or sadness-- just nothing. like stating an obvious, every day fact. he'd shot sam thinking it was lucifer, his brother was dead, and it was his fault.
but jesus, does he hate himself, and it only shows in the way his hands clutch tighter at each other from where they rest in his lap. ]
there's no easy to way put any of it, so he just goes for the bottom line, much like has become his habit over the years. ]
I shot him.
[ i killed him. i killed sam. it's entirely devoid of any feeling, neither laced with anger or sadness-- just nothing. like stating an obvious, every day fact. he'd shot sam thinking it was lucifer, his brother was dead, and it was his fault.
but jesus, does he hate himself, and it only shows in the way his hands clutch tighter at each other from where they rest in his lap. ]
[ There is it. So very black and white, no details or necessary explanations because, as far as he is concerned, there need to be none at all. It had been so much easier to understand each other years ago, when he'd been an angel and Dean a man. Now, not so much close friends as they are leader and follower, it's much too complicated to put at ease.
Not entirely mindful of the dirt or the proximity, Castiel shifts and drops to a knee for better leverage. So he can look at him closely, an attempt to read what he can no longer truly see. ]
He will come back.
[ It's not reassuring. It's not even kind. It's as simple a fact as the one Dean had given him, though he's offering more to him by stretching out a hand and gently placing it over those tight in his lap. ]
Not entirely mindful of the dirt or the proximity, Castiel shifts and drops to a knee for better leverage. So he can look at him closely, an attempt to read what he can no longer truly see. ]
He will come back.
[ It's not reassuring. It's not even kind. It's as simple a fact as the one Dean had given him, though he's offering more to him by stretching out a hand and gently placing it over those tight in his lap. ]
[ he doesn't want to hear it. ]
I thought he- [ his voice doesn't sound quite like it should though, so he bites the rest back. it had never supposed to have been sam. he's been hunting the devil for so long now, has seen what that thing has done to his brother's body, how its walked around wearing the face of the one and only person dearest to dean. he'd long since given up on hoping that there might be some way to get sam back, that one day he might be whole again with sam by his side. no, it had turned into a single goal orientated mission; kill lucifer.
no saving sam when there was no sam to be saved.
and yet here-- here he'd managed to shoot him not too many weeks into their stay.
dean wants to laugh at it all, yet the warmth of cas' hand over his startles him. ]
You don't know that. [ it would be the ultimate punishment now if sam didn't come back. he deserves it tenfold, has little hope of his brother's return. he'd lost sam years ago due to poor decisions, so what would change now that he'd finally, to the very last detail, been the one to snuff him out? ]
I thought he- [ his voice doesn't sound quite like it should though, so he bites the rest back. it had never supposed to have been sam. he's been hunting the devil for so long now, has seen what that thing has done to his brother's body, how its walked around wearing the face of the one and only person dearest to dean. he'd long since given up on hoping that there might be some way to get sam back, that one day he might be whole again with sam by his side. no, it had turned into a single goal orientated mission; kill lucifer.
no saving sam when there was no sam to be saved.
and yet here-- here he'd managed to shoot him not too many weeks into their stay.
dean wants to laugh at it all, yet the warmth of cas' hand over his startles him. ]
You don't know that. [ it would be the ultimate punishment now if sam didn't come back. he deserves it tenfold, has little hope of his brother's return. he'd lost sam years ago due to poor decisions, so what would change now that he'd finally, to the very last detail, been the one to snuff him out? ]
[ And Castiel had been right beside him the entire time. There might have been those wavering moments when he'd gotten too drunk or too stoned to really pay attention to half the things around him, but he'd never allowed it to compromise his judgement as far as missions went. He had given Dean everything, even walked right toward his death without hesitation to see this goal of theirs (his) come to fruition. Yet, here they are now, burdened with a reality neither of them had ever seen coming.
He had thought Sam to be Lucifer. He knows this.
Even if it is not within his power to right the mistake of ending Sam's life, he can be here and offer what he can. It's surprising Dean hasn't pushed him away, taking it as a sign, and Castiel's fingers tighten a fraction more, unwilling to remove himself in an effort to reach through that impenetrable wall. ]
I have heard they do. [ He would ask for his trust, but he supposes he still hasn't earned that after what had happened in the church. ] We should wait.
[ Meaning he's not going anywhere. Even if Dean gives the order, he's going to stay and sit this through as he has done every day for the past five years. He wants to say so many other things to him, that they will fix this, that Castiel won't leave him (he never would), but it's too much with the weight of Sam's death hanging over them both. He stays quiet. ]
He had thought Sam to be Lucifer. He knows this.
Even if it is not within his power to right the mistake of ending Sam's life, he can be here and offer what he can. It's surprising Dean hasn't pushed him away, taking it as a sign, and Castiel's fingers tighten a fraction more, unwilling to remove himself in an effort to reach through that impenetrable wall. ]
I have heard they do. [ He would ask for his trust, but he supposes he still hasn't earned that after what had happened in the church. ] We should wait.
[ Meaning he's not going anywhere. Even if Dean gives the order, he's going to stay and sit this through as he has done every day for the past five years. He wants to say so many other things to him, that they will fix this, that Castiel won't leave him (he never would), but it's too much with the weight of Sam's death hanging over them both. He stays quiet. ]
[ dean wants to push him away, but he's too tired. it's as if everything is finally becoming too much, dragging down the normally hard lines of his shoulders with invisible weight and pushing away cas is the last thing on his mind. all he sees is his brother falling, too much blood pouring out of him, not getting up, not vanishing like the other hallucinations...
he's not sure what he feels, only that it's more than unpleasant, makes him feel sick to the very core. ]
If he doesn't- [ do you know what that means?
he looks at cas then, finally. face a crumbling composure of its former walls, the pain radiating through despite how he tries to not let it. he can't keep contact for long, lets his eyes drop away with a sharp inhale. ]
You shouldn't be here. This isn't your mess, not anymore.
[ the mission, all of it, it's over with this. ]
he's not sure what he feels, only that it's more than unpleasant, makes him feel sick to the very core. ]
If he doesn't- [ do you know what that means?
he looks at cas then, finally. face a crumbling composure of its former walls, the pain radiating through despite how he tries to not let it. he can't keep contact for long, lets his eyes drop away with a sharp inhale. ]
You shouldn't be here. This isn't your mess, not anymore.
[ the mission, all of it, it's over with this. ]
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