[ he wants to believe it more than anything, more than a promise from sam of the same thing, that he'll never leave him. his brother is-- he goes his own path, and dean's come to find that clinging to sam isn't easy, and that he can't do it without sacrificing his humanity over it. so maybe he can let that go, maybe....
but not cas. he needs someone, and with all the sacrifice and stubborn desire to stay by his side, cas has sealed his fate to him whether dean wanted it or not. castiel is his now, and all the words, the promises he offers dean.... dean wants to swallow them all, take them all for what they are, and to keep him.
cas is losing his chance to run away. ]
Don't make a promise like that.
[ don't make one you might not be able to keep. it's a desperate plea, breathed against cas' lips as he tries to hold himself still and from chasing that mouth. he hates this power cas has over him, the easy lull of his words that promise dean what he wants... yet past experiences easily tell how fickle such a promise can be, and dean's not sure if he can survive cas walking away from him if he allows himself to let the other man back in. ]
Just don't.
[ pressing in, dean forces his mouth on cas', rough and gentle at the same time-- demanding but almost afraid. he wants and hates all of this, yet the thought of walking away has detached itself, leaving dean to press himself closer against cas in return. ]
[ He sucks in a breath with those words, breathing the same air that Dean exhales, and it's a complicated intimacy that's between them now. He would ask him to stay for himself because he's greedy enough to want it, but he would also ask him to stay for them. For whatever it is they're moving toward. Something great, something terrifying.
Something that might inevitably kill them both.
Castiel takes the kiss without compliant, mouth open and a bit slack as he presses right back against him. His hands slip away, and he wraps his arms around Dean's shoulders like he's the only thing keeping him grounded. He doesn't know what the next several weeks will bring, if there would have been any point to fighting for Dean to stay with him, but worse than letting go is knowing he might have never tried at all. It's a failure too great to consider, and he draws back, pressing their noses together and eyes shut in an effort to collect his thoughts. ]
It's all I have left to give you.
[ Because he'd given him everything else already. His grace, his loyalty, his life, his love. It's all written out to Dean, has been far before any of this had happened between them, and he can't offer him anything else but a promise he really has no control over. It stings, and he burns with the knowledge of it. The helplessness he feels even as he stands toe-to-toe with the only one he has left is just-- it's too much. Castiel pushes his forehead against Dean's so hard it hurts. ]
Please. [ take it ] I need you.
[ And then he's kissing him with a terrible desperation that leaves him breathless and aching. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
indecadence) wrote2013-05-24 08:48 pm
years later...
but not cas. he needs someone, and with all the sacrifice and stubborn desire to stay by his side, cas has sealed his fate to him whether dean wanted it or not. castiel is his now, and all the words, the promises he offers dean.... dean wants to swallow them all, take them all for what they are, and to keep him.
cas is losing his chance to run away. ]
Don't make a promise like that.
[ don't make one you might not be able to keep. it's a desperate plea, breathed against cas' lips as he tries to hold himself still and from chasing that mouth. he hates this power cas has over him, the easy lull of his words that promise dean what he wants... yet past experiences easily tell how fickle such a promise can be, and dean's not sure if he can survive cas walking away from him if he allows himself to let the other man back in. ]
Just don't.
[ pressing in, dean forces his mouth on cas', rough and gentle at the same time-- demanding but almost afraid. he wants and hates all of this, yet the thought of walking away has detached itself, leaving dean to press himself closer against cas in return. ]
dun dun dun...
Something that might inevitably kill them both.
Castiel takes the kiss without compliant, mouth open and a bit slack as he presses right back against him. His hands slip away, and he wraps his arms around Dean's shoulders like he's the only thing keeping him grounded. He doesn't know what the next several weeks will bring, if there would have been any point to fighting for Dean to stay with him, but worse than letting go is knowing he might have never tried at all. It's a failure too great to consider, and he draws back, pressing their noses together and eyes shut in an effort to collect his thoughts. ]
It's all I have left to give you.
[ Because he'd given him everything else already. His grace, his loyalty, his life, his love. It's all written out to Dean, has been far before any of this had happened between them, and he can't offer him anything else but a promise he really has no control over. It stings, and he burns with the knowledge of it. The helplessness he feels even as he stands toe-to-toe with the only one he has left is just-- it's too much. Castiel pushes his forehead against Dean's so hard it hurts. ]
Please. [ take it ] I need you.
[ And then he's kissing him with a terrible desperation that leaves him breathless and aching. ]